Yesterday

yesterday was ridiculous. i just woke up and it is 4:50 pm. here's why. my roommate is having stalker issues that came to a head yesterday. her ex-boyfriend got mad because she took him off as a friend on facebook (because he wouldn't stop sending her strange messages and posting pics of himself and his new gf in half-naked poses) and started harassing her. he started by texting her, asking why she took him off. so she didn't answer because, basically, she didn't feel she had to. they aren't friends and they aren't together anymore. she doesn't owe him anything. then he got mad. he started sending meaner and meaner texts and calling constantly. when she didn't answer the phone, he left horrible voicemails. he started using things he knew about her to try to hurt her. she continued to ignore him. this happened periodically for the last week. finally, yesterday, her phone was ringing off the hook with mean texts from him and him trying to call her. believe me, i heard some of these texts, and not only was he barely making sense, they were hurtful. so she texted him back. she said, "please stop calling and texting. you are harassing me and i don't deserve it. please don't reply to this message." that's when he went crazy. every ten seconds there was another, meaner text coming through. so she sent him another message. "if you don't stop harassing me, i'm going to block your number." if possible, he went more crazy. so she called at&t to see if she could block his number. she can't. apparently its just not that easy. so i convinced her to call the police (not 911, just the department). they directed her to the county clerks' office who told her that what she is looking for is a protective order. if he talks to her or calls or texts again, the police are knocking on his door. however, it is usually used for domestic violence instances, and he had never been violent to her. so she said she'd wait and if he stopped soon, she wouldn't do it. that's when she made the mistake of calling him to warn him. he didn't stop screaming at her for a second. by the time she got off the phone with him, she was crying. so she called her mom (who knows him) and asked her to talk to him. her mom convinced him that if he stopped talking to any of them, they wouldn't get the police involved. but the first time he called or texted, they would get the protective order. he agreed to that, however reluctantly. that was the end of that (or at least all i've heard).

then i went to work (six hour shift, worst shift ever) and got a voicemail while i was working from my old roommate. it seems our lease ended today and the house hadn't been cleaned yet. in fact, they weren't moved out yet. they weren't going to get me involved because there is another roommate who was going to help, but she managed to slither her way out of it. so i got called. right after my six hour shift, my feet killing me, i went to the house. i got there around 9:30 pm. we cleaned until 8 am. we took one break at 3 am for mcdonald's breakfast, ate quickly, and started cleaning again. i finally got home at 8:15, and still had to take a shower. i fell into bed at 8:30 and slept, non-stop until this. i'm so sore. sorry this is so long, but you see? this was my day. now what? there's pretty much nothing left to do except play wow and read. and because i can't keep myself from adding this, i wish i could talk to eric. but he'll talk to me when he's ready. i've accepted that.

okay guys! time to relax (or be bored) for the rest of the day.

The Hurt

how can i explain this to you rationally. i don't understand. i don't understand why you're so scared. i don't understand why you think you have to do this. i don't care about marriage. fuck it. you could rip up my dress and flush the ring down the toilet because i'd rather just be with you. i don't need you for sex. i don't need you to support me or bully me into doing the things i'm supposed to. i just need you to love me. i just need you to stroke my arm and run your fingers through my hair. i need you to kiss away my tears and hold me until the hurt stops. then, i can support and bully myself. we don't need to be titled. i don't need you to be my "boyfriend". but i can't just be your friend. i can't stand it. every time i would be around you i would just cry. i would want to play with your fingers and pick the eyelash off your cheek. i would want to put my hand in your pocket so i could hold your hand. i would want to curl up in your lap and feel you breathing. but i couldn't. not as a friend. i just want to lean against your chest while we make fun of the douchebag who just walked in the door. i want to feel your arms around me while we guess whether or not he's wearing athletic shorts. i want to feel your warmth as your hand curls around mine. i miss my furnace. i know you need to figure yourself out. i can respect that. but why can't you do it with me in your arms helping you? why do i have to be across the table or not around at all? why do i have to lose my one true love? there's no reason. you can figure yourself out and i can even give you some space. i just need to be able to touch you if i have to. i need to know you're there. and don't say you'll be there even if we're not together, because you won't. not the way i need you. please think about this. please help me make the hurt stop.

Please Read

I know you need time and space to think. I know that I might sound pathetic. I just have to tell you that I deserved some warning. I understand why you did what you did. I understand why you thought that was the right thing to do. I just need you to know that you're sabotaging me. I need you to kick my ass, not break my heart. You only need to be tougher on me, not cruel. I can do what it is that you're asking and yes, partly it will be for you, but that's okay because you do things for me all the time. I love you and I miss you too much for this to last long.

Update

so that perfect little hole in my palm is infected, but my stitches are healing nicely. i'm on antibiotics, i have to keep antibiotic cream on it at all times and keep it wrapped. that caused some friction at work. however, the lab came back with some abnormal cells right near the margin of the mole under my breast. so now they have to take more. yippee, more surgery. i'll write more later, but i wanted to update my avid fans on my mole situation. see ya!