Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Hurt

how can i explain this to you rationally. i don't understand. i don't understand why you're so scared. i don't understand why you think you have to do this. i don't care about marriage. fuck it. you could rip up my dress and flush the ring down the toilet because i'd rather just be with you. i don't need you for sex. i don't need you to support me or bully me into doing the things i'm supposed to. i just need you to love me. i just need you to stroke my arm and run your fingers through my hair. i need you to kiss away my tears and hold me until the hurt stops. then, i can support and bully myself. we don't need to be titled. i don't need you to be my "boyfriend". but i can't just be your friend. i can't stand it. every time i would be around you i would just cry. i would want to play with your fingers and pick the eyelash off your cheek. i would want to put my hand in your pocket so i could hold your hand. i would want to curl up in your lap and feel you breathing. but i couldn't. not as a friend. i just want to lean against your chest while we make fun of the douchebag who just walked in the door. i want to feel your arms around me while we guess whether or not he's wearing athletic shorts. i want to feel your warmth as your hand curls around mine. i miss my furnace. i know you need to figure yourself out. i can respect that. but why can't you do it with me in your arms helping you? why do i have to be across the table or not around at all? why do i have to lose my one true love? there's no reason. you can figure yourself out and i can even give you some space. i just need to be able to touch you if i have to. i need to know you're there. and don't say you'll be there even if we're not together, because you won't. not the way i need you. please think about this. please help me make the hurt stop.

No comments: